My favorite example of this I know I have used before, but I think it is a point well taken...
The simple scene is this... a man and a woman... girl and boy... frog and turtle... You decide.
"I love you," he said.
"How nice," she replied.
Can you say, BORING! It is not the words alone that paint a scene, it is all of the above mentioned that give a scene it's meaning and tone - the layers. So what if the lines were set up and delivered like this...
The gymnasium was disguised, but not well. The streamers and balloons, disco ball hanging from the ceiling, the D-class garage band on the stage, it was all supposed to make us feel we were anywhere but in the HS gym. But we were not fooled. Well, maybe I was... just a little.
Maybe it was the low lighting, or maybe Peters really did spike the punch, but when Cindy pressed her way through the crowd and made her way next to me, my heart leaped to my throat.
Act cool, I told myself, but I just couldn't.
She was there for punch. Not me. Her dress, the lighting, the way her silky, blonde hair cascaded downward as she reached for a plastic, pink cup... I don't know what came over me.
Actually I didn't mean to say it out loud. I only meant to think it, quietly, in my head. But there they were - my words fell heavy, like a ton of bricks, and remained thick in the air, "I love you," I squeaked.
She froze. Stood straight. Turned and looked me in my eyes. I froze. Panic surged from my toes to the tips of the hairs on my head. Her cell phone rang. She reached in her purse and checked to see who was calling.
"How nice," she said flatly as she flipped open her Envy. "Oh-my-gawd, Jen, you'll never believe what just happened..."
OK so now's your turn. The phrase is...
"I love you," he said.
"How nice," she said.
How could you set this scene by adding layers. Don't worry about the word count. It can be tailored to fit a PB, MG or YA novel, or don't even be concerned with your target audience. How can you put the meaning behind those simple words. It could be requited, unrequited, or not even heard... you decide.
Post your short story in the comments section. Oh and the due date... let's say by May 20th.
Happy Writing,
Sheri
